As I finished watching back-to-back episodes of A&E's The Two Corey's it struck me...Corey Feldman bugs me. Not that Corey Haim is too endearing, but Feldman is relatively good looking, has a hot as balls wife, a pimp-ass house and a life that looks like it is relatively simple. What an asshole.

I was a huge fan of their films...License to Drive, Lost Boys, but as I watch this show I find myself taking quiet satisfaction in the fact that Corey Haim is a burned-out, molested junkie...what a douche-bag.  Does anyone really want to hear him whine?  The struggles of sobriety?  The fact that he was sucking cock at 14?   Will he or will he not commit to doing Lost Boys 2?  Please...this must be reality TV because this guy is a real loser.  And he isn't good looking anymore...he looks like a roided out zit-head.  Nice acne, prick.

But as my attention shifts towards Corey Feldman, I find myself getting angry.  This guy was always playing second fiddle to Haim in their films together...he was clearly not the good looking one and he wasn't near as funny.  Come on, he was cast as a frog brother!  So why do I think he is such an asshole?  Because I completely covet his life!  I want the hot wife who adores me.  I want disposable income earned from doing lame National Lampoon flicks.  I want a huge house decked out with the finest furnishings.  I want to do cute things with my hot wife like committing to quit smoking and Maxim photo shoots.  Did I mention that I totally want to fuck his wife?  What does she see in this goonie?   When this marriage inevitably breaks up, I'll be lookin' for you Sprague.  We gonna get it on.

Check SLIDE SHOW for a peek at this little tart.  You tell me...what does she see in him?