Three-time winning MVP and staple Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre has retired from the NFL ending fifteen years of Chicago Bear fan frustration. He has signed a deal with Watson Pharmaceutical, maker of prescription pain killer Vicodin.

"We are proud to have Brett Favre as our spokesman, considering his years of abusive consumption and the fact that he has admitted being under the influence of Vicodin during both Super Bowl performances and every playoff game he started,"  reports Watson representative Sarah Seville, "Clearly, the benefits of this drug speak for themselves."

Favre, who was first acquired by the Atlanta Falcons and traded to the Greenbay Packers in 1992 has a long history of Vicodin abuse.

"I'm a quarterback in the NFL...I get hit a lot." stated Brett Favre from a press conference after losing the NFC Championship game to the New York Giants.  When asked about the attitude change that has occurred over the past few years he replied, "I have come to the point where I realize it is just a game.  Like today.  We lost to the Giants, the Giants...  how humiliating is that?  I mean, they suck...and it dashes any hopes I might have had at another Super Bowl run...but hey, I'm fortunate to have what I have and to work with so many talented players.

"He's all drunk," proclaimed John Kuhn who is in his second season as the Packer's starting running back, "He was hitting the Southern Comfort on the sidelines between possessions."

When asked about rumors that he has been medicating both alcohol and Vicodin during games Favre responded, "That is carmel Gatoraid, my favorite.  People see me enjoying being in the game and they have to know a reason why.  Can't the reason be that I am happy playing the game?"

Celebrity psychiatrist and reality TV personality Dr. Drew Pinsky believes that Favre is mixing prescription medications with alcohol.  "All of the smiling...the grab-ass on the field...it's a break from the intense focus that Favre exhibited during his early years of football.  It is clear that Favre has escalated to a cocktail of pills and booze that make it possible for him to laugh-off shitty play.  He has clearly not been on his game since leaving rehab in the late 90's."

The announcement that Favre is set to retire has had the city of Chicago breath a collective sigh of relief.  "Do you know why it rains so much during Packer home games over the past few years?  Because Brett Favre's father is crying down from heaven 'Why didn't you retire when I was alive!?!?!'  That asshole should have retired years ago," comments Dan Bohnel from a South Side pub at noon.

It has been reported that Favre's deal with Watson was a three-year, thirteen million dollar option which will have Favre appearing in both print publications and television ads including a spot on ABC's hit reality show Dancing with the Stars.

Additional pictures click SLIDE SHOW under above photo or COMMENT below.