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Federer dishes a serve while Jankovic shows us her panties
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Oy, a rough year for ye ole reporter who has been punjabi the drame of my cousin Bernard and his unlegal ponzi scheme. My main patron for travel has ended up 150 year einsezn. I cannot even use the Miami beach-front condo as my schtub. It's fercockt and a shanda fur die goy, Bernie! On to the US Open 2009, which I am gliklikh to attend:
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Tradition - The Cubs still suck after all these years
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Ronnie "Woo-woo" Wickers is not a cool mascot. Anyone who has sat in his section for more than three innings will admit to the headache created by his insesent chanting of, " Cubs, WOO...! Big Z, WOO...! Cubs, WOO...!" If the guy bagging your groceries at the supermarket acted out like this you would complain to the manager. Harry Caray was a better mascot despite rumors that he, also hated the Cubs.
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The winners, the losers, the pathetic cry babies
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Back in New York City for this years coverage of the U.S. Open Tennis Championship, the last slam of the year. Oy via {dear me} are the top seeds screwed up this year and the number one spot has been knocked out prematurely in each case...Ivanovic and Nadal both falling to better players ranked above them. Nit gidacht! {It shouldn't happen!}
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Will Nastia get nasty for Fratto?
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It's hard not to be hard reporting live Olympic coverage from Beijing. Women's Floor Gymnastics. Nastia...such a young sprite, I beg your father Valeri Liukin this: Encourage your beautiful young daughter to consider the adult film industry. It would be considered a nobile gesture by most men who have enjoyed her Gold and Silver medal winning performances.&nbs p; In a related story, event promoter Johnny Fratto has a bid to turn Olympic athleticism into internet fetish promoting the first Olympic Gymnastic themed girl-on-girl squirt video.
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Ana and Maria: Two maidel mit a klaidel, maidens showing off their new dress despite losing miserbly
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Afh yenems tukhes is gut sepatchen {A slap on the ass from behind} !
The top seeded women see upset from relative unknowns. Ana Ivanovic, maidel mit a vayndel {pony-tailed nymph} is defeated in two sets by China's Jie Zheng.
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Ana Ivanovic & Rafael Nadal - Beauty and the Beast
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Excitement abounds from the clay courts of Roland Garros and what a year it has been! Justine Henin's quick retirement from the sport had left the number one woman's spot up for grabs while Roger Federer was made to look like a klots by the master of the red-court, Rafael Nadal. Based on his natural moves on the clay, it has been reported that Nadal may actually be the "missing link" evolutionary scientists have been searching for.
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Grab-ass on field: Favre (after six Vicodin and a pint of whiskey) celebrating a touchdown pass like a homo
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Three-time winning MVP and staple Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre has retired from the NFL ending fifteen years of Chicago Bear fan frustration. He has signed a deal with Watson Pharmaceutical, maker of prescription pain killer Vicodin.
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Mrs. Clemens Gets Injected
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